[10Spot] 030 - Ten Secrets Angelus Keeps

[private]

01. He's not really Angel.

02. The firm is his, but W&H still pay the bills.

03. He doesn't care what Faith does, as long as at the end of the night he can watch her on closed circuit TV.

04. He doesn't care what Connor does, as long as at the end of the night he can still fuck with his head.

05. He actually enjoys playing the part of Angel.

06. He doesn't hate that he enjoys playing the part...

07. He knows that Angel actually did some smart things before he took over, and having that guidebook to follow helped him a lot more than he cares to admit.

08. He misses when things were more difficult. The firm just... puts things at his fingertips a bit too easily.

09. Deep down he wishes Angel had tapped Cordy when she was still alive, so he'd have that memory to draw on as well.

10. He feels ripped off by James Cameron and the movie Titanic because of the scene where Leo draws the portrait of Winslet. He did that long before the movie made it seem romantic... he knows that it's not in the least.

[10Spot] 034 - Ten songs you think describe you.

[private]

01. Knfe Party - The Deftones
02. Just Got Wicked - Cold
03. Lies for the Liars - The Used
04. How Fast - Rocco Deluca and the Burden
05. Do It Alone - Sugarcult
06. Only Hurts Awhile - Injected
07. Vampyre - Pete Yorn
08. I Am a Vampire - V.A.S.T.
09. Pretty When You Cry - V.A.S.T.
10. A Beautiful Lie - 30 Seconds to Mars
[/private]

01. Scars - Stone Sour
02. Black and Blue - Dave Gahan
03. Break Down The Door - Barry Manilow
04. Faithless - Injected
05. Could I've Been - Course of Nature
06. A Modern Myth - 30 Seconds to Mars
07. Different Than You - The Exies
08. Lovers and Thieves - Scott Thomas
09. Question of Time - Depeche Mode
10. After All - Cher and Peter Cetera

[RM] 1.75.1 - Love

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. King James version of the Bible - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

It is all of those things and more, and he knows it with more severity in his heart than he's felt in a long time. He knows it the moment he sees his son in the monitors in that overstated office Lilah was placing him in. He knows it even before he realizes just how far he'd go to save his son. He knows it as he's trying to talk the anger out of Connor's voice... moving those careful steps across that sales floor of the sporting goods store. He hopes he can see it in the darkness of those eyes he's trying to maintain a stoic gaze with... but all he sees is pain.

That's all his son's life has been, painful. From the time in the womb needing that innocence... and maybe even deep down believing that he's to blame for his mother's sacrifice. Angel knows it's not true... that Darla loved her son and that with the last ounce of the humanity that Connor loaned her she gave it all up for his survival. Still there is all that pain behind those eyes. The pain of the truth... of knowing that he was ripped from one family and forced into another world... literally. To be raised into hate, brought up to kill, taught that his life only had one purpose and it was to be the end of him.

Angel feels it in the depths of his soul, the agony that just radiates off of his son hovering over the body of Cordelia... the smell of the dynamite in the air is nothing compared to the fear rolling off the people around them.

It's with love that Angel knows what he has to do... and it was with love that he made that choice before he even walked into that store. He just thought... maybe... just maybe he could make a difference, but even love can't fix this, even love can't push these memories of pain aside for Connor.

It's with love that Angel kills his son... so that Connor can live.

[10Spot] From Harry

It's historically inaccurate, but interesting. Although I think the firm is planning on having a Halloween Party again... it's this whole break through the image thing. So I doubt I'll be dressing as that. I wonder what hockey game is on that night.